There are different types of abuse such as sexual, physical, psychological, financial.
Why does society normally do a role swap where the victim becomes the abusive and the abuser the victim? The guilt of the victim is directly proportional to the degree of guilt of the offender. But why?
This tendency to blame the victim is because we often think they have done something to deserve what happened to them. Those who blame the victim are often afraid of being abused, and by blaming the victim, they feel good because it creates the feeling that the consequences are fair and consistent; At the same time it transmits the idea that it is in our hands to avoid any type of abuse.
This attitude can cause a lot of confusion and pain to the victim and those around him, in addition to diverting the responsibility of the aggressor.
This same attitude of denying and victimizing the aggressor and blaming the victim speaks to us of someone immature and can make us even more vulnerable to different types of abuse by believing that they can be avoided with different attitudes.
It is very difficult to accept that “something bad” can happen to an innocent, someone who did nothing and panic arises that then it can happen to ourselves at any time and circumstance. And in the same way those who have already suffered some type of abuse, usually feel guilty for not having prevented the abuse, and seek a logical explanation of why they were treated like this, when this trauma is not treated, they usually judge the victim first. We tend to blame the victim because we need to explain why. On the other hand, we want to excuse the abuser because we are afraid that such a violent person exists.
These violent people are very difficult to detect, they are usually very charming, and that does not fit with the behavior of the one who is blamed, since the aggressor himself denies all responsibility for the conflict or excuses himself by saying that he is the victim of the circumstances. In the same way, if we know the abuser, we are afraid of not being able to detect and prevent their behaviors. Or if we have detected their behaviors and not have warned the victim or we have been their victim. We prefer to blame the victim unconsciously to avoid all those thoughts.
This feeling of guilt is a way of manipulation that the abuser has so that the victim does not tell, does not denounce, that he remains silent enduring this abuse. Thus coupled with emotional dependence and guilt help the victim does not want to move away from his aggressor and continue with the relationship. The aggressor makes the victim feel guilty since he transmits the idea that he could not exist without his existence and thus continues to make the victim feel responsible for everything that happened. Guilt also arises from the feeling of having allowed what happened, for not having been able to avoid it, reinforcing the baseless accusation of society towards the victim.
So how to react?
First, it is not judging the situation, the reality is that normally situations are not under our control. Victims are terrified and traumatized by the abuse so seeking an explanation and a culprit can further affect the victim. Sometimes just listening and accompanying is the best we can do, as acquaintances of the victim.
Provide psychological and legal help for the victim, so that an offender does not go unpunished (it is known that normally an abuser once the act is achieved, can elaborate it several more times with multiple victims or with the same).
If I know the abuser we basically should not: Be complicit by:
- Not defending it.
- Notify an authority.
- Get away from it.
- Point out and expose.
If I am the victim:
Knowing that you are not to blame. All the fear, shame, helplessness and guilt is part of the abuse. Those emotions will cloud your thoughts toward others. It is very important to denounce the aggressor so that he does not act again. In the same way attend you psychologically. To overcome and be able to move forward. Accept that it was something that was not in his hands and that he did everything possible to defend himself at that moment; Since when you get out of that circle of violence you can realize that there are different solutions, but within this situation or relationship where they abused one, the person really does it has in their possibilities. Do not fall into “he would have”, and move on.
The responsibility of the victim is often ignored, because of the pain and suffering of this. But we must emphasize it in order to improve since it also gives some peace of mind to the victim. It is a very painful situation and we do not want to think about it again, but ignoring the facts will not change them. Reporting is very important to prevent them from abusing the victim and prevent the offender from abusing other people.
